Teleconference this afternoon: me, Alvin, Millie, Bonnie, Randy, Elana. I realize, aftewards, that in difficult situations such as the EB finds itself, my default mode is to think / act as if I will have no allies whatsoever. So that when attorney Elana mentioned that she could attend the Recall meeting, part of me automatically wanted to say „No!“ But then I realized that I could, actually, have another ally there to help with keeping the meeting from being hijacked. Particularly what with the governing documents indicating that, until ousted, I, as president of the HOA, am to conduct all meeintgs. My default mode in the face of such challenges as these, is to hunker down and strategzie how I, alone, will proceed. Of course, I must decide for myself how I want to cope, but it is somewhat surprising to realize that I may indeed engage allies.

As I think about this, I get pictures of my original family, and Ruta, not supporting me when I needed it. Even being against me, when it came down to it. I learned to contract and become guiltily Silent in the face of such Adversity. I always survived, but felt abandoned and guilty. Ashamed at being abandoned. Sure that I must have done something Bad in order to be unsupported. I’m finally understanding that shoddy behavior on the part of others is not about me, but about them. That they employ shabby behavior at all speaks about them, not about me.