F comes with our coffes. I put the pack and gloves on the floor. F and I get involved in a game of Trivial Pursuit with three young folk sitting across from us. The hispanic fellow comes up with his coffee, hostile. „Who put my stuff on the floor?! he demands. „I told you that I was saving the chair,“ I say. „Don’t you touch my stuff!“ he threatens. „Nobody touches my stuff! Nobody messes with Mel Mother Fucking Garcia! I’ll meet you outside after I have my coffee, and prove it to you!“ he hisses.
I see that he is on some sort of loop, that rational conversation is not on his agenda. I turn away from him. He goes elsewhere in the café to drink his coffee.
Ten, fifteen minutes later, he walks up, kicks my chair and huffs out, leaving Monkey Bean.
Craziness. Yet another example of it, for me to be with. I was surprised when he spoke and acted as he did, it coming out of the blue. But I kept my cool, it very clear that it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Also, I was clear that I was going to hold my ground, not cower in front of his hostility. end
It immediately called to mind the stuff that is going on with the HOA. This guy walked in clearly wacky, but, ultimately, Mr 1111, when he visited last week, was just as nuts in his behavior.
It’s fascinating, how an aspect of Violence is Surprise. Acting unexpectedly in ways that fall outside normal perimeters does leave good white folks like me shocked and awed, with a tendency to become passive and confused.
It isn’t about being able to prevent others from behaving like this. It’s about being grounded and flexible, so that when such events occur (and they DO occur!) I can quickly accept them as real, stay grounded and be response-able. To realize in all such situations that I am not trapped in Silence.
Mel’s behavior, as I reflect upon it, is very similar to Zaiga, it so out of what is considered normal, that it stuns its victim. Allowing the stunner to get away with outrageous behavior. The victim of such assautls feeling guilty, trying ot figure out what they’ve done to provoke such behavior. As has always been true in such situations, but yesterday was eminently clear, Hostile behavior is about the Hostile Person, not about the Target.
Again, it’s that a person is willing to employ such tactics at all, not that there was a „good“ reason that provoked them to it.
The threesome across from us, two fellows and a gal, was pretty and pleasant. Friendly. Shocked by Mel. The tall, slender fellow in his 20’s, I’d say, pale complected, short dark hair, was very pretty. Sweet energies, unguarded. Turns out that he spent the first twelve years of his life in Ireland. He has cultivated an American accent, but now and then the brogue comes through. Such a lovely contrast to Mel.
A gathering at Ernestine’s last night in honor of M., from Sweden and San Diego. Also present: Mitch and Penny C., Albert D., Midge M. Herring, margaritas, duck. I had a great time.
M. talked about how difficult negotiating English is for her. As an academician, in order to be read, she generally writes in English, but feels constricted by it, not able to fully and freely express herself.
Midge, it turns out, is connected with the radio station at U.C. Colo. Spgs. She expressed interest in Donna‘s and my radio project, said she’d be glad to help us record our stuff.
Piano lesson today. We worked on tone and patterns. Chopin and Grieg. If I work on a simple enough skeleton version, where my attention is not swallowed up by Details, I can open up, my tone is big and beautiful.
It really struck me during the lesson that the key for me now is to really Play, really Make Music every moment at the keyboard. The dichotomy that initial playing of a piece is Technical (= Czerny) and then, at some point down the road will become Making Music, is false. Regardless of what and how I’m focusing on, I should ALWAYS be making music. Otherwise, a lot of practice comes to be like taking castor oil. This playing attitude also has to do with the notion of being at the keyboard as Pleasure. Pleasure Here and Now, not later.
What a concept: Playing as Pleasure!