Dreamways

Yesterday was an emotionally stressful day for me, with F in fete-preparation mode. I am seeing with some degree of greater clarity what happens to me, inside myself, in such circumstances: I feel hurt, emotionally bruised. Several dynamics converge that throw me off balance. First, it’s that F becomes 100% focused on what he’s doing, preparing the meal, so that he emotionally contracts and does not interact with me anywhere nearly the Same as Usual. He is emotionally absent as far as being an interactive entity. I feel left high and dry.  read more »

Sleep Dream.  I am at a version of Steve’s house, larger than Newland Court, but still a 1950’s / 1960’s construction. I am there for my piano lesson. There are a number of people about the house, guests, all of them, I believe, gay men, of a sensitive, artistic bent. (I have a sense of the house being sort of in the Springs, in an isolated, sterile suburb.) I wander around the house, superficially chatting with fellows, both on the main floor as well as in the basement. I wonder how the lesson will transpire, what with all these people here.  read more »